“What If I Don’t Feel Well?”

I don’t think I would have ever thought of writing “this” essay … if I had not been somewhat sick these last two days!!!   It was not really that bad.  I woke Sunday morning with an “icky” stomach.   I just could not get up.  I did manage to get Pete out of bed and into his wheelchair.    The thought that I needed to get Pete … and me … ready for breakfast was too much to handle.  So … let the girls get Pete dressed, and we will have a tray sent to our room for Pete.   That’s it!!!

So … I stayed in my chair … I sleep in my recliner … all the time they were dressing Pete.  His breakfast came … Ida fixed the tray so the food was ready to eat … (the food comes to the room with liquids and such covered with plastic wrap).  It was Sunday … so I turned on the television looking for professional football … at least broadcasters talking about football.  Then Pete needed to be brought into the living room … and bib removed.  I did it … not fun!!!

I am back in my chair , and Pete is  in his wheelchair.   I am in my jeans and a sweater … same clothes through yesterday, last night, and so far on Sunday.   As I am “snuggling” in my chair, the thought of my bed that I used to have in Louisiana came to my mind … and I wanted to be in that bed … I wanted to be “home” … and I wasn’t.  I told myself I could not think like that, and the thought of my Louisiana home was replaced with thoughts of our apartment  here and my “icky” stomach/.

That was the first time I looked at my situation here … and did not want to be here.  I wanted to be in my big bed with many pillows … and the mattress positioned just like I like it.  I knew those thoughts were not reasonable … but that was how I was thinking.  I thought of that situation many times during the rest of the day.

Pete had to have lunch … again. a tray from the kitchen.  I wanted nothing.   Get up, push his chair to the table, fix the food, get him something to drink,   Back to my chair … not worrying about Pete getting what he wants.  I just want to be left alone … and I won’t be!!!  After lunch, the girls came to put Pete down for his nap.   At the end of his nap, he calls for me.  Oh my heavens … his presence is just irritating .   It is now time for dinner.  Tray and such!!!  I do not feel any better … he brushes his teeth … and the girls come to put him to bed.

My day is over … and I realize that I do have some negative feelings about this change in my life.   It seems as if all is right and good when I myself feel right and good.  But, if I need something big … such as “fix my stomach” … or, at least, someone concerned about my stomach … then my needs can be more important than Pete’s needs.   I think it is good that I have realized this.  I expect to have more days when i do not feel well … and on those days I will need extra help with Pete.   I am also forewarned that I will begin to wish that I were not in this situation.

Love y’all.

FYI:  I ate little on Saturday and Sunday, and by Monday morning, I felt much better.


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