I don’t think I would have ever thought of writing “this” essay … if I had not been somewhat sick these last two days!!! It was not really that bad. I woke Sunday morning with an “icky” stomach. I just could not get up. I did manage to get Pete out of bed and into his wheelchair. The thought that I needed to get Pete … and me … ready for breakfast was too much to handle. So … let the girls get Pete dressed, and we will have a tray sent to our room for Pete. That’s it!!!
So … I stayed in my chair … I sleep in my recliner … all the time they were dressing Pete. His breakfast came … Ida fixed the tray so the food was ready to eat … (the food comes to the room with liquids and such covered with plastic wrap). It was Sunday … so I turned on the television looking for professional football … at least broadcasters talking about football. Then Pete needed to be brought into the living room … and bib removed. I did it … not fun!!!
I am back in my chair , and Pete is in his wheelchair. I am in my jeans and a sweater … same clothes through yesterday, last night, and so far on Sunday. As I am “snuggling” in my chair, the thought of my bed that I used to have in Louisiana came to my mind … and I wanted to be in that bed … I wanted to be “home” … and I wasn’t. I told myself I could not think like that, and the thought of my Louisiana home was replaced with thoughts of our apartment here and my “icky” stomach/.
That was the first time I looked at my situation here … and did not want to be here. I wanted to be in my big bed with many pillows … and the mattress positioned just like I like it. I knew those thoughts were not reasonable … but that was how I was thinking. I thought of that situation many times during the rest of the day.
Pete had to have lunch … again. a tray from the kitchen. I wanted nothing. Get up, push his chair to the table, fix the food, get him something to drink, Back to my chair … not worrying about Pete getting what he wants. I just want to be left alone … and I won’t be!!! After lunch, the girls came to put Pete down for his nap. At the end of his nap, he calls for me. Oh my heavens … his presence is just irritating . It is now time for dinner. Tray and such!!! I do not feel any better … he brushes his teeth … and the girls come to put him to bed.
My day is over … and I realize that I do have some negative feelings about this change in my life. It seems as if all is right and good when I myself feel right and good. But, if I need something big … such as “fix my stomach” … or, at least, someone concerned about my stomach … then my needs can be more important than Pete’s needs. I think it is good that I have realized this. I expect to have more days when i do not feel well … and on those days I will need extra help with Pete. I am also forewarned that I will begin to wish that I were not in this situation.
FYI: I ate little on Saturday and Sunday, and by Monday morning, I felt much better.